No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize