So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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