We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize