Midget sex pt 2 tonight
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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