you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
