Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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