I can text with my tongue
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize