TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
