Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
