My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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