I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
nutella sex= disaster
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
