yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
