i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Found the puke drawer
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He has the fingertips of a God
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
