he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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