she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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