he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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