I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize