apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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