No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
