he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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