she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
