i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
