Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
