i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize