How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
