I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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