My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
