Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
