Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
