Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
