You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize