He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
