i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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