Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
