Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
