I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I cockslap morals
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
