do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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