I got chris browned last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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