It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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