Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
