just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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