You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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