Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
