Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
