I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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