What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So many bounce houses so little time
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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