he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is wine microwaveable?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
