Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
