i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
