having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
