do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize