you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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