Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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