This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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