I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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