Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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