my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize