I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
