dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just want nice things and good sex
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
