It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
