i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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