Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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