You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just high enough for therapy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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