dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
