I could make wine with my vomit
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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