On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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