there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
