I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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