My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize