I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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