my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My cat gives me a boner
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
we're so committed to being not committed
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
